(In)Dependence

I've been reading this book (which I would recommend to everyone, it's reaaaaaaally good) - "Friends: Why Men and Women Are From The Same Planet" by Lisa Gee. It's about how relationships between men and women are almost always expected to be sexual (or for the purpose of flirting or something), yet a non-sexual relationship can offer so much more in many different terms (in a nutshell). In the chapter I'm reading it talks heaps about independence, and how our current culture has such an emphasis on being 'independent', ie being completely stable without the support of anyone else.

To quote Lisa:
"I am for individuality - allowing everyone the space to be 'themselves', to work out what they're good at, what they like doing and who they are and to fumble towards the domestic arrangements that best suit them and the people they share their lives with - but against individualism, which puts the 'I' before the 'we'. I am for aspiring to a reasonable level of self-sufficiency, in that I think working for a living and, where feasible, paying your own way is a healthy, positive, and morally appropriate thing to do. But I'm against independence. I want to look after the people around me, and be looked after in turn. I want to trust them to the extent that I can be confident that should everything go wrong for me that they will help, love and support me through it. That if I make mistakes or don't behave well all the time that I will be forgiven and accepted rather than judged or excluded. I want to trust myself enough to believe that - should the tables be turned - I will afford them the same level of understanding and consideration. Even if it is at considerable cost to myself. I suspect that this really isn't very different from what most people want."

It's strange that while, like she says in that last sentence, most people DO long for an accepting group of people they can DEPEND upon, there's such a strong push towards independence, almost as if our culture deems dependence as equal to weakness and vulnerability. Yet I'm quite sure that a desire to depend upon and be depended upon is part of the human condition, so to deny this desire in favour of individualism is to deny something that is innate within us.

To speak from my own experience, during the roughest time of my depression I felt completely isolated and alone. The times when I felt best were ALWAYS right after I had talked to someone - depended upon someone. The times when I felt the worst were ALWAYS when I kept my thoughts to myself so that I could retain my 'independence', and so people wouldn't think I was weak. I mean, sometimes it was obvious that people were insisting on me being independent through their attitudes, and that made me feel more alone, but for the record, I was a massive bitch a lot of the time.

Aaaannnnyyyyway... The need to depend can also be seen through parents and children. Children (of a young age) literally cannot survive without some sort of figure taking care of them. They NEED to depend upon someone more mature and more experienced to resource them with the things they need to survive. To say this need changes over the years would not be silly, but to say it disappears would be. The material dependence disappears as we learn to earn money, cook, clean, clothe etc, ourselves, but the emotional dependence remains. Can't be bothered with this point anymore.

In fact, can't really be bothered with this blog anymore. I disagree with how our culture has prioritised independence is basically my main point. Someone argue with me.